Old News & Recaps
DATELINE 5/7/2025
NEW MEMBERS WELCOME WAGON
Join us all in welcoming new members Mo Kauff and boomerang member Ozzie Orsillo!
Mo joins us through his unlikely friendship with James W. Troup—I know, hard to believe Troup has that many friends, but hey, miracles happen. Mo and JWT first crossed paths at Far Corner, and now they summer on the Cape like a retired couple in a Nancy Meyers movie. Must be nice. Mo’s already settling in nicely with a respectable 6th place finish at Atlantic, proving he can hold his own among our lovable band of weekend warriors. And let’s not forget—he’s now the proud namesake of “Mo Money,” our Pin High Team Play squad currently tied for 3rd out of 5, which is basically the podium in this league.
Ozzie is a welcomed return member! A paisan from the past, if you will. Cousin to Vinnie Orsillo, he’s one of the few humans on Earth who can unironically say, “My Cousin Vinny” and actually mean it. Life has evolved for Oz—less chaos, more golf balls lost in the woods—and now he has the time to grace us with his presence once again. I mean, why wouldn’t he? Where else can you shoot a 94, drink 8 Coors Lights, and be considered a local legend by a bunch of sweaty misfits yelling “Nice shot!” after every topped drive?
TEAM AND MATCH PLAY OFF AND RUNNING
TEAM PLAY UPDATE
After an executive ruling—which, let’s be honest, was mostly just a lot of whining, foot stomping, and passive-aggressive texts—the PUNCH CUT FADES have been granted permission to defend their 2024 title. For those whose memory is as rusty as their short game, the team features GOODY, DANIELS, KIMBALL, and GIBBY… which honestly sounds less like a golf team and more like the cast of a forgotten 80s prep school comedy where the principal always gets pantsed.
Rounding out the chaos, we’ve got the freshly rebranded SPEEDPLAY, starring podcast personalities and self-proclaimed golf philosophers TROUP, VILLA, REYNOLDS, and… RICKY—who’s either the team’s secret weapon or their emotional support animal. Time will tell.
Next up, B.O.M.P., which might stand for something inspirational, or maybe they just liked the sound of a bass drum hitting a wall. That squad includes BANVILLE, ORSILLO, MACKAN, and BROPHY. Expect their team meetings to be electric—fun in that “open bar at a wake” kind of way.
Then there’s MO MONEY, our team with the most financially inspired name and the least chance of splitting a check evenly. Led by newcomer Mo Kauff, and flanked by MURPHY, “Just Tony” PASTORE, and SKIP—who will, fittingly, skip most of the season.
And finally, tied for 3rd (just like everyone else not leading or losing) are the SANDBAGGERS—a name so fitting it could honestly apply to every team in this league of rule-bending weekend warriors. This crew features LAVIGNE, MORAN, the ever-salty MR. HATE, and a rotating WILD CARD slot each week, which could be a ringer, a rando, or someone who just wandered in looking for the snack bar.
Let the beer-fueled mediocrity begin!
MATCH PLAY UPDATE
Atlantic Country Club was the battleground for our first matches of the season, and frankly, it looked less like a golf outing and more like Custer’s Last Stand—if Custer had played a Pro V1 and triple-bogeyed the 18th. For the full dramatic breakdown, tune into the podcast. But here’s the highlight reel:
GIBBY narrowly escaped with a 2-up win over Villa, citing “group pressure” and a “contact high” from his playing partners in his post-round presser. Honestly, the man looked like he’d just walked out of a Phish concert, not a golf match.
In the “Besties Beatdown” of the day, Goodwin smoked Lavigne 5 & 3. Sources say Goodwin moved to the South Shore in March just to prep for this Southern Swing. It’s paying off, and Lavigne? Well, we probably won’t hear from him again unless it’s to report his standings in the weekly putt-putt league he now shares with Murphy and Brophy.
Mackan put an end to Reynolds’ day in a tiebreaker that had less drama than you'd expect considering he and Villa played 40 matches in Myrtle just to prep for this. Hope they enjoyed the vacation—maybe next year, boys.
Skip (in classic Skip fashion) rolled over Murphy, citing some vague Medicare clause that allowed him to play from the cart and take four strokes a hole. Being 70% titanium has never been more advantageous.
And finally, James W. Troup put the final nail in the coffin for the Podcast Killer, handing “Just Tony” a 3 & 2 loss in what can only be described as a surgical takedown. The downgrade from “Tony Pastore” to “Just Tony” hurts the most. That one… that one stings
Here's a link to Steve's stupid letter if any cares.
DATELINE 5/29/2025
Jamie Galvin Memorial Masters - George Wright
Mackan redeems himself, Troup keeps the books, Russ brings the screws—and Orsini pulls the slickest Irish Exit since Prohibition
In what some are calling a heartfelt gesture of redemption—and others are calling a bribe to erase his shame—Mike Mackan showed up at The Jamie Galvin Memorial Masters hauling more gifts than Santa with a guilty conscience. After famously quitting the last event with three holes to go (allegedly due to “union obligations,” but more likely emotional exhaustion from being 11 over), Mackan arrived this time armed with a mini cooler, drinks, and the now-iconic Jamie Galvin 3-beer carry ball marker. The gifts were a hit with the once-again short-bus-sized crew of hacks and half-athletes who gathered to chase glory and hydration on Boston’s hallowed turf.
The stakes? The elusive and elegantly phallic glass trophy known simply as “The Master,” an award El Presidente Steve Daniels insists on reissuing annually, possibly to justify its purchase or his continued rule by chaos.
The course was in pristine shape—unlike the swings, decision-making, or financial contributions of several attendees. Still, spirits were high (as were several handicaps), and the competition was fierce-ish.
A now-too-familiar name, Tim "Not Tebow" Goodwin, took home the win with a suspiciously clean +1, edging out defense-industrial-complex rep Russ Moran at -1 (who insisted titanium screw torque analytics supported a victory) and local municipal budget czar James W. Troup, who quietly posted -2 while calculating everyone’s beer-to-birdie ratio in a color-coded Excel sheet mid-round.
Troup also found time to humiliate Tony “Just Tony” Pastore in a tense $20, winner-take-all head-to-head on the par-3 17th. The duel? Legendary for all the wrong reasons. Troup scraped out the win with a paltry 5, barely edging Tony’s catastrophic natty, in what’s being dubbed “The Battle of Who Could Suck Slightly Less.” Both men walked away changed. Only one walked away $20 richer—and somehow, still ashamed.
As for the no-shows:
Jim Reynolds once again proved elusive. His absence remains unexplained, though some believe he's still stuck in traffic circling a Dunkin' parking lot, searching for purpose or a backup tee time.
Jim “Mr. Hate” Orsini stayed the full 18 this time—miraculously—but pulled off an elite-level Irish Exit moments after Ricky “Event Treasurer & Muscle” Keefe cornered him in the parking lot with the dreaded: “You’re short on cash again, Jim.” No confrontation, no excuses—just a dead-eyed nod, a faint mumble about “Venmo not working,” and poof—he vanished into the Boston dusk like a man dodging both accountability and a second double bogey on 18. His escape was so clean it left Ricky holding a crumpled five-dollar bill and a sense of betrayal usually reserved for Sopranos episodes.
When’s the next event, you ask? Mark your calendars and cancel your family obligations: May 31st, we take our talents across state lines to The Links at Outlook in beautiful Berwick, Maine—because nothing says elite Boston beer league energy like driving two hours north to hit balls into moose territory. Expect rolling hills, questionable yardages, and at least one guy accidentally driving into New Hampshire. If you owe money (looking at you, Orsini), bring cash, bring snacks, and for the love of Daniels’ trophy—don’t try another Irish Exit in another state. Ricky will have a list, and this time, he’s bringing backup.
Until then—hit 'em long, lie about it longer, and always carry exact change.
Prez's 2025 Letter
